The main reason for joining the blogosphere is directly due to the oddities and hilarity that tends to follow us, and then how i choose to email the play-by-play to my family and friends in an effort to reach catharsis. Typically, the majority of the response i receive from my emailed rambling recollections is, “you sould be a writer!”…. well, maybe, one day… but for now – i can ‘blog, darnit!
so, further to that — here, for your Friday reading pleasure, are some old posts that should most definitely be included in this etymological adventure!
The Bat – Part I:Originally posted on MySpace: Tuesday, July 17, 2007
On the next episode of “Fun Times With The Beckers”:
It’s 4:40am and Thor is going crazy. running up and down the hall and making all sorts of commotion.
Katie is still battling another night of restless sleep. Thor’s antics arouse her, and her first thought is “if he’s tearing up my stuffed monkey, i’ll drop kick him!”…
As she pulls herself from the bed and tries to rub the funky dreams from her eyes, she realizes that something is wrong? weird? (or some more appropriate word that starts with a “W”)… By Jove, there’s something flying around the room… First thought: “Its another BAT!”…
As Katie screeches and hopes her big, strong husband will come to her aid, she hears a sleepy Alan say, in a slightly freaked out tone, “just get in bed, it will be okay.”
Okay? OKAY? how will it be okay? getting into the bed, that said flying monkey is circling, does not a solution make!
To which, Katie mandates, “Man Up!” and hands Alan her sorority paddle that she keeps under the bed for that added false sense of security.
Meanwhile, Thor is still running back and forth down the hallway, having the time of his life, because, instinctively, he is a Bird Dog.
Alan is finally persuaded to check out the house (knowing full well that if he doesn’t make some sort of effort, there will be no more sleep in this early morning!). Taking the paddle and turning on every single light in the house, he decides that it was simply a moth. It has to be a moth, because, in his rationalization, if there were truly a bat in the house, it would have already eaten the moth.
Katie (very) reluctantly succumbs to this logic because (A) she just wants to go back to bed, (B) she would like to remain in denial that all the bats are outside, not in, and (C) its really not that off-base to think that Thor would give the same amount of attention and zeal to chasing a moth as he would a bat or a bird or a squirrel or a fleck of dust.
From this point forward, Katie will continue to walk into each room looking up at the ceiling and into each corner and crevasse. She will also continue her plight of never going down the basement where the first bat was found, for she knows that a moth could not have been as big as the flying behemoth she witnessed at 4:40 in the AM.
Alan, will remain in denial. And Thor will continue to hunt flying mammals from the comfort of his air conditioned playground.
Tune in next time for another whirlwind adventure with, “Fun Times With The Beckers”.
The Bat – Part II:Originally posted on MySpace: Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Fun Times With The Becker’s – CHAPTER TWO:
When we last left our heroes, Katie was off at work, trying to forget the pain and anguish of the night before, to no avail. Alan and Thor had the day to themselves that included lots of lounging around in the air-conditioned splendor of a 100degree day… in a house that may or may not contain a flying rodent……
Katie was on edge all day, constantly recollecting the events of the early morning, and compulsively searching the rafters of her loft-style office space for any further bats. though she kept telling herself that the bat may or may not be in her home, it most definitely did not follow her to work – because bats don’t play the lottery.
One telephone conversation with Alan proved that he still believed in his Moth Theory, and was not going to open his mind to the idea that it could possibly be anything different. in fact, he was inside the house all day and there was no sign of any sort of disease carrying mammal inside. Case closed. Stop being such a dramatic baby!
Thor went about his day as usual. Sleep. Eat. Stick his nose in Alan’s face until Alan either (A) played with him or (B) took him outside. Sleep some more. He couldn’t have been happier.
Upon her arrival home, Katie was still on-guard searching each corner and nook with a brief glance and then slight sigh of relief that there was no evidence of a new resident. The evening progressed and Alan and Katie even found the strength to head to the local cinema to see Transformers (in which they both highly recommend.). Thor remained inside the home, guarding it with all 74-slobbery-pounds of his being…. still no disturbance…. Katie was definitely beginning to buy into the Moth Theory. It was currently working for everyone else in the house, why not her?
Okay then, time for the nightly routine. Katie usually washes her face in the downstairs bathroom, but for tonight, decided to remove the day’s makeup and grime upstairs. All systems normal…. First Step: walk into the bathroom, to the sink – check. Second Step: apply cream-based eye-makeup remover, rub on eyes, remove with tissue – check. Third step: glance out of the corner of your eye toward that black speck hanging on the inside of the bathroom door frame – simply to dispel any further fears of looming nocturnal intruders. (INSERT BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM HERE)…. There it was, watching Katie as if it were at a Mary Kay convention learning the latest make-up removal techniques….
Instant paralyzation at the sink.
Alan screaming back, then nervously laughing, at the foot of the stairs, not understanding why Katie can’t simply walk out of the bathroom away from the overgrown “Moth”. also, Alan NOT coming upstairs to help in anyway.
More screaming. and again. Bodily convulsions beginning. For what if the bat (A) begins to fly around the tiny bathroom, or worse, toward her, and (B) what if it decides to drop onto her head as she tries to exit – being that he is positioned directly in the center of the lintel.
Finally – Katie gathers up just enough courage to run like hell through the portrait hole and down the stairs with legs made of lead-based Jell-O. at the base of the stairs, the paralyzation again occurs, and Alan continues to act as if he has zero compassion in his mortal being… thank goodness for Thor who has now attached himself to Katie’s right knee – to the point where it is starting to bend the opposite way.
A brief discussion containing a lot of variations on the phrases, “What are we going to do?” and “I don’t know, what are YOU going to do?”…. leads to the opening of the trusted, yet rarely used, yellow pages – flip to “Animal Control”. Alan hands Katie the phone with the iron-clad logic: “they’ll believe a woman more than they will believe a 30-year-old man screaming like a girl!”… Touché!
Animal control is dispatched and an APB is sent to the two adjacent neighbors – its a race to see who will arrive first to apprehend the beast. within minutes, Joel, our very own Adam West (who happens to live to the East) hops over with his very own disposable Gladware – goofy smile plastered on his face, ready to hunt the “awesome creature”… right.
Katie exits stage left, while screaming for consolation over a MotoRazr to her beloved mother.
But is the bat where Katie so calmly left it? oh no – it’s flying about, willy nilly, through the bedroom. (Note to self: change the sheets immediately, if not sooner!) BatMan Joel apprehends the little bugger and is so giddy he can barely contain himself. Katie stays at a football field’s distance.
Enter the Animal Control Savior. He is so excited to see the specimen, its almost disgusting. he too, keeps talking with his hands, and since the Gladware has been handed to him, the poor bat is being flailed around inside the vessel, and it is splayed out, holding on for dear life… what is left of it, presumably… while he details way too much information on these “beautiful beasts”… uggh!
Much discussion is given to bat habits and abilities. did you know they can get into a home using a hole as small as a nickel? (this is the point where Alan grabs the duct tape and proceeds to make the whole second level of the home sparkle in a shiny silver tone.) Yes, they may rid the world of many a insect and skeeter – but inside the Becker Home is not a suitable domicile.
Away goes Captain Animal Control, with said bat. Off heads the excitable hunting neighbors and out comes the vacuum (God Bless the Dyson Company) and the sheets are immediately stripped and placed into a scalding hot washing machine.
Exhaustion eventually ensues and both Alan and Katie slept fairly well, with only minimum of three startled outbursts in the night.
Its a new day. Katie continues to scan each new room before she enters it, Alan is convinced that the duct tape will cease all future bat – and hopefully moth- activity, Thor loves his renewed hunting vibe and everyone is patiently awaiting the rabies results.
I wonder what life would be like if it were dull. I am guessing we will never have to know.
Fun Times With the Littlest BeckerOriginally posted on MySpace: April 1, 2008
Welcome back to Fun Times With The Becker’s, where you will become further acquainted with the tiniest, yet growing, member of the crew – Lucy, the double-retriever puppy.
Alan is spending two weeks in Chicago for Finance Training, so I am left to my single-parent devises of giving the pups way too many treats and allowing THOR to sleep on the bed at night. That would be a double No-No in any regular week… but i am weak this week. what can i say?
In addition to all of this, i feel compelled to fill up my social calendar to bursting when Alan is out of town, or is working late, or has plans with friends that doesn’t include me… so this week is fully booked.
Let’s take last night, for example: with AJ gone on the anniversary of our first year of wedded bliss, i took full advantage of hauling my 4Runner up to Omaha for some retail therapy (though, trudging around a strip mall in painfully new Tahari high heels, in yucky not-so-springy weather for not-so-end-of-the-season-deals wasn’t all that i had once imagined) and a much-needed evening with my good friend, Brooke! She was in town to meet with the area-High School seniors who have been accepted to TCU, and still need a wee bit of persuasion on making the leap toward full horned frogginess. it was a blast. we immediately stepped back seven years to our adventures throughout Western Europe – including one bold mention by moi: “we got into so much trouble – its lucky we’re still alive to tell about it”… yes, Mom and Dad, seven years later, i feel i can finally admit that within your earshot!
Anyway- the TCU event went quite well, and Brooke is much funnier than she gives herself credit. her one-liners and jokes sure made me proud! And, afterward, more hilarity ensued, as it was determined that a little piece of heaven is baked into each bacon-wrapped shrimp served at The Upstream Brewery. Alas, as all good things must, this evening, too, was nearing its end. As i was using my fingers to calculate the hours in which i had sequestered Lucy-Lu to the kitchen without a potty break in sight, i added the hour of commuting time back to Lincoln, and realized that i had better get that 4Runner headed West or there would be one major mess to clean up!
as mentioned, with my full play schedule this week, i am not at home to sit and watch the dogs beat up on each other nor do i get to supervise their rawhide bone consumption… thus further guilt ensues with a flood of more treats and rawhide yumminess. before i left the house at 2:30 CDT, i coaxed, then barricaded Lucy into the kitchen with as many chewy, squeaky and tasty toys i could muster, and loaded up not one, but three kongs with peanut butter and kibble. THOR, too, received a tasty nosh as i flew out the door, in anticipation of amazing clearance deals and fun times with a TCU Chum…
fast forward to 9:30pm and visions of, not sugar plums, but puddles and poopie awaiting me upon my return, and you can imagine my hasty exit… well, i arrived to a dry kitchen floor– but also a loud-and-clear message from the black one: “leave me alone long enough, and i’ll take matters into my own paws”
Now, if my Grandpa Belka were telling this story, it would go something like this: “Isn’t Lucy just the smartest puppy ever? she knew that all that mail on the counter was destined for the shredder, and she did her part by helping out! What a good girl!”
well, i let the dogs out to relieve their poor, tested bladders while i cleaned up the shreds. Gave the dogs more treats and as much love as i could fit into the 30-minutes before my eyelids fully dropped, and tried my hardest to keep THOR off the bed. This morning, i woke up with him laying across my legs… what is a girl to do?
until the next installment…
~KT, the pooches, and Windy-City-Al!